A Confession
By Laura Lindsey
The past few months I’ve been unhappy, restless, and just out of whack to say it plainly. From last August until now has been a whirlwind of transition in my life and I haven’t stopped to reflect, prioritize, or see the log in my own eye. I have felt like I have lied about loving homeschooling, loving being home, and not stopped to ask myself why. I have dealt with unexplained, severe rashes (still undergoing diagnostic tests), extreme tantrums from my 6yr old, and our family has had job changes and a new little one on the way. Why has all of this knocked me off my foundation? What has been my source for joy and contentment?
I realized tonight….or maybe actually acknowledged and was real with myself that the big “I” word has played a part in this. Me as in “I” but also Instagram. I have been selfish. I have wanted to have “me time” - cue the mindless scrolling on Instagram. I have felt run over and disrespected and plain beat because I have not sought out what is true, noble, and beautiful. I have not sought after the only True Source for joy and life. God is the only one who can fill me up and satisfy any longings I have. I have begun each morning worn out because my two youngest kids are ready to roll before I can make it to the bathroom. I haven’t been praying the moment I wake up for the strength and energy I need to love my husband and family well.
After reflecting on all these things I am giving myself grace but also a challenge. It’s not ok that I have been living so haphazardly. I should have been seeking Jesus from the beginning. Asking for wisdom. Asking for patience. Asking for healing. But I didn’t. I have been so blind the last year that I just kept going on thinking things would miraculously change.
Maybe my kids are acting like hoodlums because their mom is in a daze and they want her time? Maybe I am never content with my house because I see perfect minimalist, clean houses on Instagram each day reminding me I haven’t done the dishes after every meal?
If any of this resonates with you I want to ask you to join me in a fresh start. Yes, it’s a weird time of year but we have to start somewhere. I am putting the phone down. Instagram will only be a part of my life for 1 hour a week. Hopefully less. I deleted Facebook over a year ago and have never looked back. I know I will greatly benefit from giving Instagram no control over my life. I am beginning this journey now. Using the time I would have been scrolling or Youtubing or whatever “me time” I was doing to journal, pray, reflect, and read God’s Word. Indulging in His Truth and filling my soul with things that bring life, peace, contentment, and joy.
