“She’s Clothed in Baggy Dungarees”
This fall, a time I envisioned in my head to be one that included regular blogging, continuing my weight loss journey (more on that on my Instagram page if you don’t follow me there already), and homeschooling my pre-k and preschool-age kiddos.
While technically all those things kind of happened, it was mostly disrupted.
By what?
Glad you asked!
A chronic, rare, bacterial infection that stuck to my tonsil for about two months.
Even better- brought on my toxic mold in the rental house we’ve been living in while we build our first home.
*Sigh*
Isn’t that how life goes- when you feel like you’re already dealing with enough, more servings of the least appetizing sides get heaped on your plate, and you have to consume everything in front of you, whether you like it or not?
Just before the fall slowed me to nearly a complete stop, I was beginning to market my newest writing opportunity- contributing to a poet’s anthology that releases on January 27th, 2023, called ‘Our Hope Remains.’
Before I got sick for over two months straight, I experienced a substantial spiritual shift. The poems I wrote for this anthology revolve around the topics of Christian parenthood, marriage, and devotion, and completing them released a floodgate of trauma that had seemingly been built up for the past seven years, waiting to be processed and let go.
The title of this post, “She’s clothed in baggy dungarees,” is my favorite stanza out of the handful of poems being published in this anthology.
Surely, there is another mother out there who can relate to that verse. It is a line that came up one day as I read Proverbs 31, you know, that verse every mom-boss has to bring up to validate the overfilled plate she eats off day in and day out.
I did a deep dive into that chapter, really trying to break down this high-capacity woman, confident I was gaining a completely different insight, feeling fairly certain this woman isn’t what all the mom bosses say she is (look out for that blog, it’s going to be a great read!)
“She’s clothed in strength and dignity,” is the specific sentence that caught me off guard.
“Yeah right,” I thought to myself.
Most days, I feel like I’m cloaked in everything besides strength and dignity— my clothes stained with spit and breastmilk, my pants fitting improperly from the baby weight that refuses to come off, my hair (ay yay, I forgot to wash my hair again. And no, dry shampoo doesn’t work on Black hair, btw) and I feel like I’ve been running in circles from the time I wake until I hit the pillow again at night.
Choppy, mundane, loud, repetitive, dissatisfying, those are some more accurate words I feel cloaked in daily.
But strength and dignity?
Those are far from what I’d say I am covered with.
These poems from this anthology freed me from a mindset that was driving me deeper and deeper into my depression and anxiety fog, a mindset that was clouding the Light of my life. Writing them took me to the precipice of myself, and to the fringes of the Lord’s garment.
This article really breaks down that single phrase so well. While I wish I could say I don’t struggle with feeling broken in my identity regularly, I know I can say I have identified a way to cover myself up with the Truths of the Lord to recommit my life to the Lord daily.
Psalm 27:8- “The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”
2 Corinthians 10:9- “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
Proverbs 3:5- “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
I hope you’ll buy ‘Our Hope Remains,’ next year and read the poem in its entirety. I hope you’ll know that the Truth written in the Bible is just that- truth. We can rely on the words written by God, trusting they mean what they say and that God means what He says about us- that we “are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”- 1 Peter 2:9
Whether you are physically in leggings and a tee, a dress, and apron, scrubs, or a pantsuit, know that before all that, you are dressed in the armor of God. Put on your suit mama, and seize the day for all it’s worth- spit up, breastmilk and all.
You are cherished, seen, and significant in the Savior’s eyes.
